Journal Entry: Self Love
"I’ve decided to be true to myself one hundred percent. Not that I try to be something that I am not, but I realize that sometimes I cover up, I hide parts of who I am (even from myself). I act tough when I feel fragile; I pretend I don't care when I care the most. This habit of pretending shows a lack of integrity in me. When I say integrity I’m talking about being the same person on the outside that I am on the inside. Actions match words and words match thoughts. If I say I’m okay and keep a hard exterior yet internally I feel broken…well then am I a liar? If I dress in my finest garb and hide behind make- up and big hair, go home and look in the mirror and dislike what I see… am I a hypocrite? What is the purpose of putting on this facade? I am only trying to convince myself that I am something I am not. However it does not have to be this way. I shall commence on a life long commitment to daily renew my mind. I will purge all negative thoughts and allow new positive thoughts, words and actions to form. I will face every single negative tought with careful examination. “ I acknowledge your presence ugly thought, why have you sprung up like a weed in the garden of my mind?” Scrutinizing every aspect of its being I will determine the plan of action to discard of it. If someone hurts me: either I confront the situation or I forgive and move on , but the pain will not be allowed to fester in my heart. It must go! All thoughts of inadequacy must go with no discussion because God made me wonderfully. the bottom line is I WILL be whole: spirit, soul and body. I will be truthful with myself. I will not fake happiness if it is not felt. I will face these demons and tell them to flee. I am not accepting pain and feeling less then, but I am telling myself that covering up is no longer an option. How can I be completely truthful with others if I can’t be so with myself. Here’s to being genuine…I am Najha; I am sensitive; I am still finding myself; I don’t have it all together; I’m not always happy, but I will find joy in my journey and in my discovery."
May 12, 2014 12:22 a.m.
In celebration of 2014 coming to an end I decided to read through some of my journal entries and this particular one stood out to me. From around the middle of 2013 through the entire year of 2014 I have had huge breakthroughs concerning my identity. I have learned so much about who I am, I’ve replaced negative mindsets with positive ones, and I’ve put into action all of the teachings from the great leaders at my school(BSSM). After looking back at this entry, I can truly say I am proud of myself because I have done just what I vowed to do, I’ve found joy in my journey and my discovery. Owning up to every thought and feeling, exposing every lie and denounced every lie. The beautiful thing is I am still growing! As life goes on seasons change, people change and we are always learning something new about ourselves. The conditions of life do not remain stagnant; therefore, neither can we. Although my decisions in life have a huge impact on the growth I have experienced, none of the breakthrough and revelation I have received would be possible without God’s amazing love for me. Simply in my pursuit to be intimate with Him have I learned so much about myself. You’ll find that the key to discovering who you are is to discover who your creator is. Why he made you. Who he made you to be. The thoughts he has concerning you. When we get a revelation of this, we create identity. Being genuinely you will produce the most results in life and when we learn to love ourselves we can develop exceptionally healthy relationships. So lets welcome in 2015 with joy and the never ending journey of self love.